Letters From Nobody

In my first post I wrote that my diary blog might come across as the ramblings of some pseudointellectual but it came to my attention today that “pseudointellectual” is morphing a bit, or rather being misused, to mean someone trying too hard to sound like they have these deep thoughts and opinions, but the actual definition is “someone who pretends to be knowledgeable or intellectual, often using jargon and abstract concepts to appear smart when they lack genuine understanding or expertise.” So based solely on that definition this blog can’t actually be the ramblings of a pseudointellectual because all I plan to write about is my own life, my experiences, my thoughts, and my feelings and I’m the most qualified to write about it because I am me. I am qualified because I am human. I’m going to challenge myself to get as deep as possible and try to be truly introspective.

With that being said I want to write just a bit about the week I’ve had. I’ve been hard at work because my coworker, the only other person besides the summer intern who shares my office, has been KO’d by a case of the sniffles. It’s irritating having the full workload but it’s been nice to get some peace and reprieve from the onslaught of too much information I get from her. Let’s just say I know too much about her boyfriends family and I’m mad about it.

I got together with some friends on Monday for Anime Night. Anime night doesn’t always end up being anime night, but instead movie night. We watched Kung Fu Hustle. It was a funny, ridiculous movie but I had a good time watching it with my friends.

The following day I decided to try out an anime called Kowloon Generic Romance. It’s an interesting premise, and the story is actually quite challenging. I’m not entirely sure I understand what is going on but I was having a nice time with it up until I ran out of the dubbed episodes.

On Wednesday I read a book called the Divine Farce. I found out about it by watching a Jules Dapper video about it on YouTube. I’m glad I listened when she said to pause the video, go read the book and then come back. The book was a quick read but it really packed a punch. It touched on a theme of perseverance that really resonated with me. It’s about a man who we only know of as Sage, and his eternity of suffering. Proceed with caution if you decide to read it. One particularly funny review of the novella on Goodreads says, “A horrible lil allegory I couldn’t recommend to anyone, 10/10.” I was in this sort of dark place for a bit. This weird limbo of having dreams and aspirations, but feeling powerless and too stupid to accomplish anything I wanted. It may seem small but back when I wanted to start playing D&D, I thought it would be too overwhelming and I wouldn’t understand it. Somehow I gathered enough courage, or maybe I just felt lonely enough that I just needed anything that would help me make a friend after moving, so I threw myself in head first by attending D&D night at the local game shop. I don’t know how to play every class in D&D, I don’t know all the rules, and I rarely play anymore, but I stuck with it long enough that I know the ins and outs of playing at least one class. So it’s silly, but between learning D&D and reading The Divine Farce, among other examples, I have plenty of things to remind myself of the inevitable success I could find if I just persevere and stay resilient in the face of what feels like an eternity of failure.

I wonder if in the future I’ll be able to expand on my thoughts and feelings further. I feel like right now I’m only able to take a thought and say a couple things about it. I want my writing to improve enough that I can take one thought or concept and talk about it for pages and pages if I want to. The only way to do that is to persevere. I’ll get there.